I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
