now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
im calling her cock vulture from now on
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
