My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
only you would photoshop your dick
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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