she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
