I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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