I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
