I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
