He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
