i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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