can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
