I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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