if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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