just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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