So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
