not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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