Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize