Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
