Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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