Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
