She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
