i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize