Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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