i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
