R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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