On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
