Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
