Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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