I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
