you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Everyone says I win the strip club
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
