Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
