The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
