in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
