my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
