WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Did I show you my penis last night?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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