You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
