like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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