I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
