Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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