I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
