Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
