i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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