I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize