I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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