Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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