Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
