You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
