i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
