I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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