My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
