i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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