My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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