sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
