it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
