Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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