this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
