I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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