she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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