wakey wakey hands off snakey
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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