Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
