oh god the rape fog is back!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
