Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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