I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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